Thoughts & Behaviours To Avoid When Stressed
During times of stress, we have a tendency to think and behave irrationally, making the issue, situation or problem worse. This irrational behaviour is often a pattern we’ve learnt and practised over and over again. So the moment we get the appropriate trigger, that behaviour becomes the only response.
But the good news is that these thought and response patterns can be broken. And the first step is to become aware of what you do and think and say. Once you’re aware of the process, you can challenge the irrational links, thoughts and beliefs with rational thoughts and questioning techniques. As you disrupt and break the pattern, you can choose and practice new behaviours.
Here are some examples of faulty thinking processes. When you’re stressed, try to avoid them.
‘Should’ Statements
Should, ought and must are all powerful words and create an instant feeling in your body. These are words which easily create stress and guilt if not followed. Consider the following statements:
- I must be on time
- I should go to the gym
- I ought to ring her
- I should be finished by 6pm
- I should be in work early
- I must do more
- I ought to do more
- I should be on a diet
Feel how disempowering these words are.
Now re-read all the statements inserting the word ‘could’ instead of ‘ought’ and ‘should’.
How different does it feel? How much more in control are you? Now
you have a choice and are empowered to choose without the need for
pressure or guilt. Try it – it’s very simple and it works.
Whose rules were they anyway?
Remember perfectionism doesn’t exist!
Exaggerating
Often, people take a small issue or problem and build it up in their mind to make it appear to be much bigger than it is. Then, when they talk about it and picture it, they enlarge it further, until it’s so big it’s overwhelming and they can’t cope. It is important to remain realistic and rational.
If a problem is large, chunk it into smaller more manageable chunks and take control.
Jumping to Conclusions
This is the way to blow things or issues completely out of proportion and cause yourself and others unnecessary stress. How do you know? What evidence do you have? Have you asked them what they think or just assumed something in your head?
Find out the facts before making a decision or judgment and don’t assume anything!
Over-Generalising
Similar to exaggerating, over-generalising is often done within a person’s mind and not based on rational facts. One negative experience does not mean it will always be so. Paranoid and negative thinking are common, and your imagination allows the irrational thoughts to grow enough to become a belief and cause stress and fear.
Catastrophising
Assuming that the worst possible thing is actually going to happen, small issues become disasters. For example, when you have a row with your boss you assume that you’re going to lose your job, you’ll have to sell your house and you’ll never be able to work again.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
Seeing things in black or white rather than all the shades of grey in between. All-or-nothing thinking reduces your options and adds unnecessary pressure.
The Habit of Self-Blame
This is when you blame yourself for everything whether it’s your fault or not. You constantly apologise to people and worry that you may fall out of favour with them or upset them. Seeing everything as your fault means that you’re not allowing others to take responsibility for themselves and that you’re trying to control them as well as yourself – which, of course, you will never be able to do. Nor will you be able to please everyone all of the time.
Personalisation
Another paranoid and irrational thought process where you take everything personally. If someone makes a comment about not liking a situation, you take it that they meant they didn’t like you. Another aspect of this negative thinking habit is if you constantly compare yourself to others. The result will also always be negative: you’re not as good looking, clever, thin, happy, rich, strong and so on as them.
Mind Reading
Mind reading is deciding something is true with no evidence – believing that how someone looked at you, or the tone in their voice, means something. For example, they looked bored when you were talking during the meeting. The truth could have been that although they looked bored to you, that facial expression for them was one of concentration as they were trying to take in all the details.
Don’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions. If in doubt ask to clarify the facts.
Perfectionism
A thinking process that will always lead to disappointment and negative emotions, as it’s impossible to achieve and maintain. Setting impossibly high standards is generally a learned behaviour pattern and about pleasing others or proving something.
Perfect doesn’t exist; good enough for you, does.
Selecting the Negative and Ignoring the Positive
This is about dwelling exclusively on the negative aspects of situations and ignoring the positive aspects, as if they don’t count. For instance, if you give a presentation which on the whole went well, although a couple things didn’t go as well as they could, you might ignore all the good things and think only of the things that went wrong.
Do you recognise any of these Thinking Errors in yourself?