Personal Stressors
During childhood, we develop ‘personal life scripts’ which are formed as beliefs, values and standards of life. Life scripts are generally taught and modelled by parents or significant others early on in childhood and continue throughout life. These values, beliefs and standards can become rules and fixed patterns of behaviour, and if unhelpful or inappropriate can often be the cause of negative stress.
This means that a vast amount of the stress you suffer from can be caused by you, in your own mind, based on your beliefs, reactions and behaviour. Worse still, you can also impart your stressors onto those around you.
The five main personal stressors are listed below as a fun, Mr Men-style story. There are more styles, of course, and remember, they aren’t gender-specific, so any could apply to you whether you are male or female. Consider which (and you may be a combination) of the personal stressor styles you adopt and how they may affect you and others around you in the workplace or general life!
1. Mr Perfect
Mr Perfect has a tendency to feel that he always has to exceed expectations or get things completely, perfectly right. Everything he does has to be a ‘Rolls Royce’ job, anything less than perfection is a failure. He finds it difficult to delegate, as he cannot trust anyone else to do the job as well as him. He would rather do it himself than risk it being anything less than excellent. He may be causing himself and others unnecessary stress by imparting his stressor onto those around him.
2. Mr Strong
Mr Strong is an individual and has many positive qualities, including being self-sufficient, reliable and undemanding of others. However, the down side tends to be a difficulty in expressing emotion and seeking help when he really needs it. He always appears to cope so well that often people won’t even realise that he needs help or support. As with Mr Perfect, he may find delegation difficult since it implies that he’s unable to cope.
3. Little Miss Helpful
Little Miss Helpful has been brought up to believe that she must put the needs of others before her own needs. If she doesn’t, then she’s being selfish. She’s even been known to go out of her way to please people she didn’t really know that well, in addition to her family and friends. Sometimes, she finds herself unable to cope with all the demands of others and needs to put her own needs first. Always pleasing others can mean that she can lose track of what actually pleases her and lose sight of her own needs and values.
4. Little Miss Stubborn
Little Miss Stubborn often finds herself trying all sorts of things, even those that don’t really interest her but she thinks she should at least have a go at. She’s also inclined to stick doggedly to a lost cause at times, rather than giving up for fear it’s seen as a failure by others. This inability to discriminate and take control may lead to her spending a lot of time doing things that do not interest her, to the detriment of other things that she finds fulfilling and exciting.
5. Mr Busy
Mr Busy needs to feel that if his days are not action-packed from morning till night, if he isn’t rushed off his feet dealing with several jobs at a time, then he just isn’t doing enough. Because he’s always thinking and planning his next job before he’s finished his current one, he often shows impatience with the slowness of others. As with the other guys, delegation may be difficult as nobody else can do it as quick as he can do it. And when he does delegate, he gets frustrated when people don’t keep pace.
Which are the Personal Stressors that describe you best?
How do they contribute to your stress levels or the stress of those
around you?